I was finally pregnant, my HCG levels were rising and I was having morning sickness, I was really pregnant. I knew I couldn't get too excited just yet. I had to pass the 3 month mark to start telling people. My husband and I didn't realized how much we wanted it until we saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks, it brought tears to our eyes.
At 9 weeks I borrowed a Doppler from a friend and listened to my baby's heartbeat every night. At 10 weeks my Dr said I could stop taking the progesterone shots and aspirin.
When we passed the 12 week mark we started telling people the good news, and I started feeling like "this is really happening"
I couldn't wait for our 16 week scan so we could find out the sex, the Dr said he wasn't sure but it looks like a boy! :) He said to have a 3D scan at 19 weeks to confirm and to make sure everything was fine.
At 19 weeks we saw our beautiful baby in 3D, and they confirmed it was a boy, And everything looked perfect! We left that appointment walking on air, we called our families, sent them the pictures of the scan... and at that moment life felt so right.
4 days after that appointment I started spotting, I didn't think it was anything serious so I continued my day normally. My husbands aunt (she's my 2nd mother, since my mom lives in another country) insisted I go to the ER just to be sure everything is ok. While I waited for a dr to see me I went to the toilet, as I stood up off the toilet I felt something strange; it felt like an air bubble, I put my hand down there and felt something hard, which I thought at the time was the baby's head. At that point I became hysterical. The dr finally came and did an ultrasound; I was 3cm dilated and the membranes were funneling into my cervix, but my baby was still alive I heard his heartbeat and that gave me some comfort. The dr said if the membranes go back in they can sew my cervix shut "Cerclage", but I had a 50-50 chance of that happening.
I spent 3 days laying in a hospital bed praying that we would be able to save our son's life. On the morning of the 3rd day I started having very bad contractions every 2 minutes. I had my husband on my left and my mother on my right holding my hands as I screamed for someone to come help me.
After 15 minutes the physical pain stopped my water along with my heart broke. It was the saddest moment of my life, as they wheeled me to the labor and delivery unit knowing my baby was dying inside of me.
I pushed him out, but i couldn't bring myself to hold him or look at him. I didn't want to remember him that way. After that they took me to surgery for a D&C, and my husband took our son Ahmed to be buried.
I've been healing from that ever since, it's been exactly 2 years since Ahmed was conceived. We're ready to try again.
I know now that I have an Incompetent Cervix, and that I will need a cerclage in any future pregnancies. It's a stitch placed in the cervix at 10-12 weeks of pregnancy, it stays there until the end of the pregnancy. It has a 70-90% success rate.
I now embark on my last attempt at motherhood. If it doesn't work this time, I will take it as a sign that I am not meant to have children in this life. But I will always have my son Ahmed waiting for me in heaven.
At 9 weeks I borrowed a Doppler from a friend and listened to my baby's heartbeat every night. At 10 weeks my Dr said I could stop taking the progesterone shots and aspirin.
When we passed the 12 week mark we started telling people the good news, and I started feeling like "this is really happening"
I couldn't wait for our 16 week scan so we could find out the sex, the Dr said he wasn't sure but it looks like a boy! :) He said to have a 3D scan at 19 weeks to confirm and to make sure everything was fine.
At 19 weeks we saw our beautiful baby in 3D, and they confirmed it was a boy, And everything looked perfect! We left that appointment walking on air, we called our families, sent them the pictures of the scan... and at that moment life felt so right.4 days after that appointment I started spotting, I didn't think it was anything serious so I continued my day normally. My husbands aunt (she's my 2nd mother, since my mom lives in another country) insisted I go to the ER just to be sure everything is ok. While I waited for a dr to see me I went to the toilet, as I stood up off the toilet I felt something strange; it felt like an air bubble, I put my hand down there and felt something hard, which I thought at the time was the baby's head. At that point I became hysterical. The dr finally came and did an ultrasound; I was 3cm dilated and the membranes were funneling into my cervix, but my baby was still alive I heard his heartbeat and that gave me some comfort. The dr said if the membranes go back in they can sew my cervix shut "Cerclage", but I had a 50-50 chance of that happening.
I spent 3 days laying in a hospital bed praying that we would be able to save our son's life. On the morning of the 3rd day I started having very bad contractions every 2 minutes. I had my husband on my left and my mother on my right holding my hands as I screamed for someone to come help me.
After 15 minutes the physical pain stopped my water along with my heart broke. It was the saddest moment of my life, as they wheeled me to the labor and delivery unit knowing my baby was dying inside of me.
I pushed him out, but i couldn't bring myself to hold him or look at him. I didn't want to remember him that way. After that they took me to surgery for a D&C, and my husband took our son Ahmed to be buried.
I've been healing from that ever since, it's been exactly 2 years since Ahmed was conceived. We're ready to try again.
I know now that I have an Incompetent Cervix, and that I will need a cerclage in any future pregnancies. It's a stitch placed in the cervix at 10-12 weeks of pregnancy, it stays there until the end of the pregnancy. It has a 70-90% success rate.
I now embark on my last attempt at motherhood. If it doesn't work this time, I will take it as a sign that I am not meant to have children in this life. But I will always have my son Ahmed waiting for me in heaven.
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